Happy Thanksgiving!
Deep down your mind might grumble with something like “Right! A Happy Thanksgiving …in this body? Happy Thanksgivings are for healthy people?”, “Forget the happy, I hope I just make it through it” or something similar.
One thing I’ve learned is that my ‘mind’, that critical, assessing, never satisfied, often quite childish voice in the back of my head, is not my friend. My mind is not interested in others opinions, it always wants to be right, and it gets quite upset when things don’t go its way. It certainly isn’t interested in being ‘thankful’. It would rather just be pissy.
My experience is that my ‘mind’ – my automatic ‘listening’ – has only gotten stronger with chronic fatigue syndrome and that makes sense. Our negative automatic listening (“this sucks”, “this is wrong”, “this is unfair”) thrives when we’re unhappy and in difficult situations.
(Note that thankfulness is completely internally generated; there’s almost no situation, no matter how good, we can’t find fault if we try, and probably vice-versa. We either bring thankfulness to a circumstance or we don’t.)
Being thankful with chronic fatigue syndrome or fibromyalgia isn’t easy, and it probably in some ways just make sense, but if you can do it, it works. It leaves precious little room for frustration, anger or despair. It lightens you up. It’s a peaceful place to be, and peace, even if it’s just for 10 or 20 seconds, is nothing to sneeze at.
In this blog we’re using the Gratitude Tutorial blog to find ways to introduce thankfulness into any circumstances at any time.
Materials Needed
Nothing but your time and focus. A gratitude journal would be great. Putting up notes around the house can work (if you look at them). Otherwise it simply involves remembering to look for and find reasons to be thankful around you
I spent some time walking around being in the presence of ‘being thankful’ and things to be thankful for popped up all over the place.
Things to be Grateful For in and of Themselves
(Toni Bernhardt’s light-hearted look at what she’s grateful for included “not having to stand in line on Black Friday”, TIVO, Woody Allen and Jane Austen, her ear-plugs, and her latest cold (which could mean that she’s getting better.))
My Laptop
I appreciate things that hang in there over time. It took three tries before I found a laptop I could tolerate chemically. Now, it’s like a part of me.
Six years later, the motherboard, hard drive, screen and keyboard have all been replaced. It’s a bit stodgy looking and I’ve worn away the finish in several places, and its failing, again, in mysterious ways, but when I think how many thousands of hours this thing has logged, I appreciate all the hard work it’s done! I’m thankful I found a good laptop to be my work companion:)
The Dogs
River and Skye
I’m very thankful for my dogs (River on the left, Skye on the right), two Catahoula Leopard Hound mixes, and their wacky, fun natures. I love watching them run around. I love and am astounded by their patience and good will. They’re a lesson to me.
My Side Panels!
I bought this huge, ugly camper shell to keep the dogs in the back of the truck (lol – they never go in back now :)), and it came with these side panels that I almost tore out, but now that I’m camping out a lot I found that I LOVE my side panels. They are so darn functional. The little helps that we find in life like that are so cool.
Oakland Raiders
The Raiders have been a passion and a torment for me. They haven’t done particularly well (either); they’ve bombed for the last decade, they had a borderline senile owner, they’ve changed quarterbacks and coaches like handiwipes, they traded one of their best coaches to another team (after he refused to work for them anymore). They’ve basically been the sports world’s dysfunctional team, but I’ve stuck with them. There’s something about sticking with something through the good and the bad over a long period of time that brings acceptance and gratefulness.
Bad Things That Happened Which Prompted Good Things to Happen
“Obstacles and challenges force you to explore outside of your comfort zone. Be thankful for the opportunities that they provide.” (?)
Top of my list is leaving my former compadres at Phoenix Rising and starting Health Rising. That whole process seemed really bad at the time, but this year has been a whole heck of alot of happier than last years, so thanks you guys for doing enough to get me out of there.
Getting sick has had its silver linings. I would certainly rather ME/CFS had not happened, but I’m working in an area that can really make a difference, I’m met some great and courageous people, I’ve learned some humility, and I’m stronger mentally in some ways. If I get well, we’ll see how much stronger. (I would love to test that out :)).
People to Be Thankful For
My father, family, Bob and Courtney Miller, Corinne, Stavya (Health Rising’s tech), Marco and our team of bloggers, people who’ve contributed to and supported Health Rising..
People Who Made Things Hard for Me But Who Prompted Me to Accomplish Something
That would be the PR board again. I really got my butt in gear after that and it’s been wonderful. My editor, who certainly cringed if he read the first published version of this blog, and may be cringing now fits in here. Thanks for your help!
Others include
- The Places That Make You Smile
- The Animals You Love
- The Obstacles That Forced You to Explore New Options
Cort, Lovely post. I’ll be in the USA next week—specifically Boston, (and Boston weather—so different to Sydney, Australia) to see a retrospective at Harvard on Chris Marker, my PhD subject—so I’ve been paying attention to Thanksgiving this year.
One thing I’m particularly thankful for, since late 2009, is your thoughtful posts explaining the latest research on our condition. Before then I spent 13 years not being able to find out anything useful and trying to cope with something I couldn’t understand, all for lack of reliable information. I’m also incredibly thankful for the internet that enabled all of us, for the first time ever, to talk across the globe to each other and share what we know with each other.
cheers, Lynne
Thanks, Lynne
And YES – thanks for the internet! How different it would be without the internet 🙂
Thanks for this Cort. So apposite on this day too.I try to think of gratitudes daily. Anything from the weather to situations and people. Ideally I could write them down
Best of all if I can be grateful to me for doing something particularly healthy.
Currently I’m grateful to my NLP tutor who is helping me grasp that thoughts can be rejected or selected, and that I make my own angst often by how I respond to outside epople and situations.
Lovely to understand that I don’t have to buy into anyone else’ ideas, problems or issues. It releases me from potential anxiety. Good stuff!
Suella
That’s big, Suella.
That’s a recipe for calmness and peace. For some reason anxiety or worry or whatever you want to call has been a companion since early on in ME/CFS for me.
I’m on the same journey you are; different tools – same focus. I wish us both the best of luck.
Maybe this is the option ME/CFS will give me – the ability to be calm in the face of anything. We’ll see!
CFS challenges me to take the all or nothing challenge- to aim for unconditional gratitude!
I have no energy-time for the luxury of being at the whim of contentment, that relies on specific internal/external events. Without judgment, as Ram Dass says, “it’s all grist for the mill”. I want to use it all, as you have said Cort.
I DO! appreciate the specific, while I embrace it ALL, as much as I can…moment by moment, in my humanness. It’s there that I find my power….perhaps for the first time in my life!
With gratitude and blessing to all of you (these are the no brainers!), who come into my home!
Wishing all of you many more miracles in 2014, Galia
Unconditional gratitude – wow! Thanks for declaring that.
Just think how enlarged gratitude will get for you. You will have to find new ways to bring gratitude into a situation…
My ‘stand for satisfaction’ is unconditional as well; under any circumstances my stand is that I can be satisfied. Am I? Absolutely not – but I’m throwing my stand out in front of me and working towards it. It’s a nice thing to live towards.
I love the idea of throwing out my stand and working towards it! I have such good intentions of always choosing gratitude and joy, but it’s SOOOO hard sometimes. I’ll keep trying to live toward it. 🙂
Yes, all the work you’ve done for us and information provided is certainly something to be thankful for, Cort, so thank you very much.
Your dogs look brilliant!
Thanks, Mog for your nice words. 🙂 🙂
They are great (and very interestingly looking) dogs. They’re quite a pair 🙂
You’re very welcome 🙂
They’re beautiful – and great characters, I’m sure.
I am thankful for consciousness – its wild stuff. :-).
“Wild stuff”…Bring it on!
I LOVE it! Chuckle, chuckle.
This Thanksgiving has been a bit harder than last, as my ME/CFS has worsened, but still I find plenty to be thankful for.
Thanks to you, Cort, and all of the wonderful bloggers who have spent much of their precious time and energy informing others of the lastest on ME/CFS, FM, POTS, etc. I have only come to find this newsletter recently and have learned more in the past few months than in the past decade plus!
Thanks to my family and friends who have been there for me whether in person or in spirit. Though not many in number, their love and support given fill my home with warmth.
Thanks to everyone at my place of employment. Their understanding spoke volumes as I reported to work remotely many times this year. That I was allowed this is special.
Thanks to my cats, who make me smile and laugh everyday. Laughter is one of the best things in the world.
I am thankful that I have learned to accept what I can and cannot do. I am thankful that I can still find it within myself to enjoy what I can when I can.
I can still enjoy watching a movie, reading a good book, the taste of dark chocolate, sharing a joke with others. I am choosing to live life to my fullest and for that I am very thankful.
Fern, my eyes bulged when I saw your name among those who commented on this great THANKFUL blog. Thanks, Cort. Fern is my daughter, and she is the bravest person I know. Of course, this is her mother speaking. Fern, you are full of surprises and together, we are traveling through this tortuous, difficult and mystifying journey.
Again, thanks to you, Cort, for unraveling the mystery, both for sufferers and those seeking answers.
That is so cool Carol and good luck Fern!
What a lovely expression of Thankfulness, Fern.
My goal is to be reminded or rather to remind myself regularly of things to be thankful for :).
Thanks for mentioning the dark chocolate – what an exquisite and unusual taste that is – it is good to be in a world that provides such a taste 🙂
Cort, Thank you for all the hard work you do! And, thank you for this posting today. Honestly, I’m thankful that I got through this day all alone, without sinking into a deep depression. I’ve spent many years alone on Thanksgiving, and some have not been easy. Last Thanksgiving I was able to see my extended family for the 1st time in years. I am still grateful today for that past experience.
Today I’ll say thanks for a laptop I can tolerate, my parents’ Netflix account (they let me use the streaming mode), BBC Radio 4 which I’ve recently discovered has infinite radio shows. This year my insurance has allowed me to get help 1x/week…very grateful! My helper even makes me laugh at times 🙂 I don’t live in the grandest of apartment buildings, but I have a roof over my head. I get library materials delivered.
ME/CFS has taught me a lot – it forced me to grow up very quickly, so to speak. Indeed, there are days I feel simply grief-stricken & heartbroken that we don’t have a cure. And, along those lines, I am very, very thankful to all the people doing research, advocacy, and now…independent film making on all of our behalf.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Ah…there’s another one – Netflix 🙂
Glad you got through the day OK. I think all of us are together in some ways…
Toni Bernhardt recommends that we visualize everyone in the world in a similar situation (including ourselves), breathe in their frustration and despair and then breathe out love and compassion….We are not alone…
I’m grateful to live in a country that respects my religion, and allows for big, community Menorahs to be lit in public places. Anti-semitism is so rife in Europe now, it’s a relief to be an American.
Grateful to my husband, for sticking with me, and being supportive of my need to rest and pace myself. He even reminds me to keep my sleep apnea mask on all night long. I do wish that Lyrica didn’t have the side effect of weight gain. I hate the extra 30 lbs. and it makes it harder for me to move around.
Grateful to my dear drs. who provide me with good pain meds, and Xyrem for deep sleep. I was a zombi before Xyrem! Very grateful for this great med.(sodium oxybate). I’ve had a virus and am having trouble getting any energy back, and wish my immunity was better. Still, I’m grateful these illnesses do not cause death, as I do enjoy my little life.
I’m so sorry that’s a problem in Europe. I didn’t know. I’m glad you found a refuge in America.
A few months ago I was sitting down to a meal with my husband and it just hit me as I poured a drink of water from a clear glass pitcher how lucky I was to have clean water whenever I wanted it. So many people don’t! It made me realize how many small things I take for granted every day. I’m still getting mileage from that one small enlightening moment. Gratitude is a very powerful thing, well worth cultivating!
(And I love Health Rising!)
🙂
Cort: I was born in the USA, my parents too. And even one of my grandmothers. But I still feel grateful for our country, where everyone comes from somewhere else, or their antecedents, do. Except for the American Indian. We all have roots in other places.
I lived in Mexico for many years, and had my first three children there. My husband was born in Mexico but was never considered Mexican. I was often told, no, he’s not Mexican, he’s an Israelita. Always with much respect, but noticing it was not his country, and would not be, ever.
We moved to the USA in 76, where all my four children are considered Americans. That’s the way to live in a country. As a full participant. As one of many. And allowed to dignify the differences all people have.
My father’s father was a great patriot, and I am becoming one, too.
One big difference I noticed in Mexico vs here is how homogeneous the population is down there compared to here. Here you walk around the streets of any fairly large city and bump into people of all sorts of background. The US really is the melting pot of the world. That is such a strength and opportunity for us.
I’m so glad you found a home here and I’m shocked that that kind of prejudice is alive in Europe of all places.
This may sound odd, but I am grateful for me dreams. They are rich, odd, and imaginative. Sometimes they are vivid nightmares, and that is not much fun, but at least my dreams are never boring! My waking life on the other hand (since I am stuck in bed most of the time) is excruciatingly dull. My dreams provide a wonderful respite from the boredom.
My iPad changed my life. I can’t sit at a desk to use a computer because of severe neck pain. I can, however, lie in bed and type one-handed on my iPad, and I can read for brief periods of time. Before the iPad all I had was NPR all day long. I love NPR, but lying in bed for several hours at a time with nothing but NPR…well that kind of sucked.
My two dogs and my cat. I am pretty sure I wouldn’t survive without them.
The anxiety and depression that is part and parcel of this illness, is very hard to train. There are therapies that deal with this, but still, the emotional problems of chronic pain are great. It hurts the motivation we all need to move. For movement is the only way to decrease the stiffness and pain. Exercise is a double blade shield for us. Necessary for health, but leaving us too exhausted for anything but bed.
I’m grateful for Pilates. My teacher allows me to be challenged but to go at my own speed. When I say, “I’m done”, I mean it. I’ve been training with her for more than 4 years, and my core is able to support me, allows me to walk and travel if done with good pacing. I miss all the energy I used to have, while young, but we all lose some of that naturally.
I am grateful to this new technology that connects us all, no matter where we live. My son gave us his first ipad when he bought the one with a camera, and I write with it all the time. Cort, I am grateful to you, too, keeping us in touch with new research. I am optimistic that with research, treatments will be found to make our journey easier. Thanks, Abby
Loved your post. I think the “gift” of this illness is gratitude. When I was healthy I had no idea of how blessed I was. It was only the loss of my health that taught me to be grateful for what I have.
Bonnie
Hi Cort,
So very grateful for my friend who drops in from time to time to say hi, gives me a hug and
warms my heart with a smile.
So grateful for all the help that is now on line for us to come to anytime we can, without it we would be very lost-THANKYOU!
So grateful for many, many things in my life even though sometimes things gets the better of me.
Cheers to You for all your very dedicated work:-)
I have got myself a little note book in which I have made my first entry of the things I appreciate. I plan to make one entry a day. It’s a start at least!