Sex is important.
From pain, to the side effects of drugs, to physiological problems, many factors however, can effect sexual functioning in people with chronic illnesses. Yet it’s rarely discussed. So, let’s take the wrapper off.
Tell us how ME/CFS or FM has affected your sex life in
Beyond a certain loss of identity, loss of job that I loved and loss of income, loss of my home, loss of ability to move, dance, hike, to adequately care for myself, my living space, garden, my animals…is the loss of a sexual component in my life. I had loved sex with my husband, as I had loved him. Did it hurt? At times. Was it difficult? At times. But the beauty of it, the sharing of physical love and the incomparable warmth of connectedness transcended any pain or difficulty.
To me the sexual act with love can be a spiritual experience. This is what I had always felt and believed- in spite of a history of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse felt like a violation not just of my physical and emotional self- but of my spiritual self, as well.
About 10 years ago I was delightedly surprised to discover the book by David Deida, ‘Finding God Through Sex: Awakening the One of Spirit Through the Two of Flesh’. I’d often wondered if I wasn’t ‘romanticizing’ my feelings but this book validated what I had always known.
My husband couldn’t stand my being sick. My being unable to contribute financially and materially to the relationship. He was fed up with having to do the vacuuming, the heavy jobs. He lamented, ‘I just want my wife back’,but I couldn’t come back and so he sold our home and moved on with his life.
That was the end of my sexual life. Since then, through lack of exercise I have deteriorated to such an extent physically- well, I cannot even imagine being naked in front of anyone:) That aside, I am very much isolated and have little opportunity to meet or to get to know people. And I have no confidence- how could I find the energy to deal with a relationship? And who in their right mind would want to burden themselves with someone with no income, someone with an illness like ME?
Maybe what we need is a dating site!:) Not eHarmony but eChronicHealthConnect. Perhaps amongst ourselves we might find people that could accept us for what we are and find connectedness through shared interests, etc. Who knows…
Beautifully said Della 🙂