A Dating / Get Together Site for ME/CFS and FM ?

[Rachel Riggs]

[fright]View attachment 1322 [/fright]

Dating is, of course, is very problematic with ME/CFS/FM. Finding a partner who understands and accepts one's needs to pull back at times - to not go out - and not be upset by that or judgmental is obviously tough. (Throw MCS into the mix and you have a real challenge!)

It takes a special person to partner up with a person with special needs.

But what about someone else with ME/CFS and/or FM - somebody who understands? That might be really something but finding someone like that is hard without something like a dating/meetup site.

There's also just getting to know people in your area who have similar afflictions; people you could meet with at a coffee shop or at their home and talk things over. That close contact is mostly lost in the internet age.

If a dating / meet up program was made available would you use it?

@Cort I believe I have inadvertently discovered the perfect formula - no dating site necessary

I didn't realize it when I married him, but my husband is a completely introverted gamer. I knew about the gamer part. Turns out - he's THRILLED he no longer has to leave the house - hahaha. Because he's such a warm guy and not at all socially awkward, I didn't realize he was so introverted. Now, I feel so fortunate to not worry about "holding him back". Also, he's a total geek. Geeks are underrated.

So there you have it - simply find yourself an introverted geek. Where can you find such a guy/girl? Match.com. (You're welcome!)

 

[Who Me?]

I'm embarrassed to connect with people from HS........

Facebook. Much easier. I can chat on my terms when I want. They don't see me looking like crap, or smelly because I haven't been able to shower. Some know I have "health issues" only one how bad and that was a mistake to tell her and I'll never do it again"

But for someone like me, it's a way to connect and there is something about chatting with people I've grown up with, some back to kindergarden.

 

[Rachel Riggs]

Facebook. Much easier. I can chat on my terms when I want. They don't see me looking like crap, or smelly because I haven't been able to shower. Some know I have "health issues" only one how bad and that was a mistake to tell her and I'll never do it again"

But for someone like me, it's a way to connect and there is something about chatting with people I've grown up with, some back to kindergarden.

@Who Me? I am really struggling with Facebook. It's one of the few ways I connect with the outside world at this point - but I have to keep unfriending people I once though were wonderful because of their insensitive sometimes outrageous comments about my illness. Am I the only one to encounter this??

 

[Empty]

@Cort I believe I have inadvertently discovered the perfect formula - no dating site necessary

I didn't realize it when I married him, but my husband is a completely introverted gamer. I knew about the gamer part. Turns out - he's THRILLED he no longer has to leave the house - hahaha. Because he's such a warm guy and not at all socially awkward, I didn't realize he was so introverted. Now, I feel so fortunate to not worry about "holding him back". Also, he's a total geek. Geeks are underrated.

So there you have it - simply find yourself an introverted geek. Where can you find such a guy/girl? Match.com. (You're welcome!)

I was thinkng along these lines. Throw in some who has some control traits (paperwork/bills) with some cleaning ocd and perfect!

 

[Remy]

@Cort Why is that, Cort - do you feel private about being "sick"?

For me, I get embarrassed about not living up to my potential. I know it's not my fault in my head but emotionally it's still tough.

It's bad enough being sick but it's worse having people know and even worse yet when they scorn. I'd just as soon my HS and college friends remember me the way I was and think I must be on to great things rather than to know the truth.

I wish I didn't feel this way, but I do. Hard to admit out loud too!

 

[Who Me?]

@Rachel Riggs i don't tell them and never talk about being sick. It's none of their business

It's a place where I can be "well" and like @Remy said, we did nothing wrong but I don't want pity (which I got from the one person I told). I don't want people sending me links to crap that'll cure me. I don't want weak people who don't understand taking away my power.

The only mention of it is the big photo on my wall. Right now it's about ME day but usually it's Laura hillenbrand quote.

That's it.

 

[Nico]

Hi, Just wanted to add a bit to the convo. Indeed, I belong to this group on FB:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/242414882495980

That group is mainly people in the UK, and I'm in the US. The challenge is also, is that it's mainly a discussion/fun group. Which is good, but the problem is, if you're really serious about finding a compatible person you have to invest more time into trying to get to know their preferences. EG: on dating sites you can see any number of these aspects: location, political affiliation, vehicle ownership, number of children, marital status, education level, hobbies, sexual preference, and the like. I think a more free flowing atmosphere can be fun, and there are some interesting group discussions. But, when it comes to the nuts and bolts of facts, you have to invest more time in talking with someone to get to the "demographics". My subscription with match dot com just ended. What I like about it is that I can see certain preferences upfront. I can also do a keyword search on match ("disabled", "chronic fatigue", etc.). Now I'm on P.o.F. which I like much less….because it's more free flowing, and there are preferences that I can't see (eg political leanings). For me it's harder to work with something more open-ended. It just takes more time, and looking through - which tires me out.

I think the fb group is good if you like to do a lot with social media. Commenting, sharing silly pictures, or start discussion topics. It can become a community venture…and, you just have to keep your eyes peeled who might be interesting to you, and then contact them. But, because of FB's privacy settings you may not be able to see any info about the person you want to talk with before contact. Then, if there is awkwardness between 2 people from the group -- you're still part of a larger dating group. If something goes "wrong" between 2 people from the group, it can cause one to shy away from using the group again -- which defeats the purpose of seeking a partner within the group. (I hope this makes sense).

If we did have an ME/CFS dating site, I think an important feature/question would need to be whether or not one is able to travel.

Maybe something one can do is use a system like POF (because it's free), and provide one's profile to a private user data base within our community. In other words, make us a sub-group of something bigger, like POF. And, that way, the communication can take place on POF, for instance.

I'm not advocating for POF (because I sort of hate it), but it's a mostly free platform. Lack of certain privacy is also implied if it's done this way - because one's profile is already in the ether.

I hope this isn't too complicated. I've been doing this for a long time, and it's difficult, and can be very time consuming.

 

[Nico]

I agree that logistically a healthy person would be best - someone to help out physically.

That wants to spend their time with someone who can't participate in the things they want to participate in? I think as we get older that's probably less of an issue.

To tell you the truth when I start thinking about dating I think - well, I'm going to tell that I can't exercise, that I can't go out that much and here's the kicker - I have MCS and I have to sleep outside....That's where I stop!

How about being with someone who gets where you are at? Would that be helpful?

I think the details can be sorted out after you see if the person on a basic level could be compatible. (See my exhaustively long post ). For example, "cleaning up" aspects, everyone's situation and what they want is different. I don't need someone to clean up after me, for instance, because I get help 2xs a week through an aide agency.

 

[Empty]

Anyone else feel disturbed by the cartoon lol

 

[Rachel Riggs]

Hi, Just wanted to add a bit to the convo. Indeed, I belong to this group on FB:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/242414882495980

That group is mainly people in the UK, and I'm in the US. The challenge is also, is that it's mainly a discussion/fun group. Which is good, but the problem is, if you're really serious about finding a compatible person you have to invest more time into trying to get to know their preferences. EG: on dating sites you can see any number of these aspects: location, political affiliation, vehicle ownership, number of children, marital status, education level, hobbies, sexual preference, and the like. I think a more free flowing atmosphere can be fun, and there are some interesting group discussions. But, when it comes to the nuts and bolts of facts, you have to invest more time in talking with someone to get to the "demographics". My subscription with match dot com just ended. What I like about it is that I can see certain preferences upfront. I can also do a keyword search on match ("disabled", "chronic fatigue", etc.). Now I'm on P.o.F. which I like much less….because it's more free flowing, and there are preferences that I can't see (eg political leanings). For me it's harder to work with something more open-ended. It just takes more time, and looking through - which tires me out.

I think the fb group is good if you like to do a lot with social media. Commenting, sharing silly pictures, or start discussion topics. It can become a community venture…and, you just have to keep your eyes peeled who might be interesting to you, and then contact them. But, because of FB's privacy settings you may not be able to see any info about the person you want to talk with before contact. Then, if there is awkwardness between 2 people from the group -- you're still part of a larger dating group. If something goes "wrong" between 2 people from the group, it can cause one to shy away from using the group again -- which defeats the purpose of seeking a partner within the group. (I hope this makes sense).

If we did have an ME/CFS dating site, I think an important feature/question would need to be whether or not one is able to travel.

Maybe something one can do is use a system like POF (because it's free), and provide one's profile to a private user data base within our community. In other words, make us a sub-group of something bigger, like POF. And, that way, the communication can take place on POF, for instance.

I'm not advocating for POF (because I sort of hate it), but it's a mostly free platform. Lack of certain privacy is also implied if it's done this way - because one's profile is already in the ether.

I hope this isn't too complicated. I've been doing this for a long time, and it's difficult, and can be very time consuming.

@Nico Do you know of fun group on Facebook for CFS socializing - that's not for singles?

 

[Nico]

@Nico Do you know of fun group on Facebook for CFS socializing - that's not for singles?

Rachel, There's this group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/hunterhopkinscentermecfsfmprivatechatroom/

The HH Group can be a lot of fun, silly, etc….but, also encompasses serious & symptom-related discussions as well.

(The singles group can be the same, but more of the fun and silly (and risqué) aspect…and much less of the serious stuff overall, I would say. )

 

[lisaadele]

@Cort I believe I have inadvertently discovered the perfect formula - no dating site necessary

I didn't realize it when I married him, but my husband is a completely introverted gamer. I knew about the gamer part. Turns out - he's THRILLED he no longer has to leave the house - hahaha. Because he's such a warm guy and not at all socially awkward, I didn't realize he was so introverted. Now, I feel so fortunate to not worry about "holding him back". Also, he's a total geek. Geeks are underrated.

So there you have it - simply find yourself an introverted geek. Where can you find such a guy/girl? Match.com. (You're welcome!)

That is ideal!! My husband is extroverted and would love to be able to socialize more as a couple. I have had to deal with feeling bad at "holding him back" but what can you do? Not worth the setbacks it causes.

 

[Rachel Riggs]

Rachel, There's this group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/hunterhopkinscentermecfsfmprivatechatroom/

The HH Group can be a lot of fun, silly, etc….but, also encompasses serious & symptom-related discussions as well.

(The singles group can be the same, but more of the fun and silly (and risqué) aspect…and much less of the serious stuff overall, I would say. )

@Nico Wonderful - thank you!!

 

[Tammy7]

I don't necessarily feel the need to see someone on a regular basis (at this point in time).............even meeting up with someone "ocassionally" would be something to look forward to.

 

[donna4]

[fright]View attachment 1322 [/fright]

Dating is, of course, is very problematic with ME/CFS/FM. Finding a partner who understands and accepts one's needs to pull back at times - to not go out - and not be upset by that or judgmental is obviously tough. (Throw MCS into the mix and you have a real challenge!)

It takes a special person to partner up with a person with special needs.

But what about someone else with ME/CFS and/or FM - somebody who understands? That might be really something but finding someone like that is hard without something like a dating/meetup site.

There's also just getting to know people in your area who have similar afflictions; people you could meet with at a coffee shop or at their home and talk things over. That close contact is mostly lost in the internet age.

If a dating / meet up program was made available would you use it?

there is one on facebook, it used to be a yahoo group.

 

[donna4]

A friend of mine Eddie Bauer started a CFS dating/support site years ago. Unfortunately Eddie passed away (smoke inhalation from a fire) and things kind of fizzled out after that. I liked the group............especially chat room...........Eddie was a character. A friend of mine met someone on the site and they dated so it shows that it is not completely impossible for people to meet up that way.

I think the site would have to be set up in a really particular way.

i knew eddie, that was terrible. the group has moved to facebook. https://www.facebook.com/groups/CFIDSFIBROSINGLES/

 

[donna4]

Don't like the idea of meeting through same illness. I would hate to date someone with M.E. and think it would be genetically harmful to potential children.

Are there other illness specific dating sites around?

google disability dating sites

 

[donna4]

I agree that logistically a healthy person would be best - someone to help out physically.

That wants to spend their time with someone who can't participate in the things they want to participate in? I think as we get older that's probably less of an issue.

To tell you the truth when I start thinking about dating I think - well, I'm going to tell that I can't exercise, that I can't go out that much and here's the kicker - I have MCS and I have to sleep outside....That's where I stop!

How about being with someone who gets where you are at? Would that be helpful?

you would think that it would be helpful and i know some couples who have worked it out and in others there is an imbalance, hey you're supposed to be taking care of me, i'm sick too etc and they split up. coming out of 2 relationships where i also went through cancer and neither could handle it, i don't think i would date a healthy person again even though i need the help.

 

[Empty]

google disability dating sites

I did before I posted. Maybe not the right ones? There was an endless positive spin on disability. The images I was bombarded with was muscular, fit looking people all done up in a wheelchair as if it was a mere accessory.


These people have energy.

 

[Empty]

you would think that it would be helpful and i know some couples who have worked it out and in others there is an imbalance, hey you're supposed to be taking care of me, i'm sick too etc and they split up. coming out of 2 relationships where i also went through cancer and neither could handle it, i don't think i would date a healthy person again even though i need the help.

Healthy people have been the most abusive to me. Doctors, parents, family, friends, society. They do not seem to have a clue, even when it is explained to them.

However I found all these groups were very good at supporting those with Cancer including myself when I have been a carer. It is bad form to be in a relationship and bail due to illness, imo. Your partners sound weak and selfish.